Tales of a Night Walker
By Bert McKenzie
Copyright 2010

Chapter 32

Jeff began reading.

May 3, 1955

Dear Diary,

I have never been one of those girls who has kept a diary.  It just seemed
a silly, girlish practice.  But now my life has taken an incredible turn
and I've decided to make a record of my experiences.  I can hardly believe
it is possible, but I have truly fallen in love.  Yes, I thought that
before, but this time it is real.  I feel it deeply in my heart and soul.
But my love isn't even human.  He is a vampire.  I never thought such
things existed.  Of course I've seen the movies and read Dracula.  It was
all just a scary bedtime story to get the adrenaline pumping.  And now I
find that all those legends were true.  Vampires really do exist, and one
is now living in my house and sleeping in my brother's bedroom.

He rescued me from an attacker.  A man tried to molest me and my lovely
Jefferson saved me.  David has always accused me of being a sucker for the
lost causes.  As a little girl I brought home every stray cat and lost
puppy.  My parents were on a first name basis with all the men at the
animal shelter.  Well, once again I've done it.  Jefferson seemed so lost
and alone.  I brought him home.  At first I thought he was hurt, injured in
the struggle to save me from that terrible man.  But later I found out, he
wasn't hurt at all, just in shock from his first clash with the 20th
century.

I don't know what his feelings are for me, but I know I want to be there
for him.  He is the most incredible man I have ever met, and those green
eyes of his.  They actually glow in the dark like cat's eyes.  I suppose
that is part of his being a vampire.

About his being a vampire, he doesn't sleep in a coffin.  In fact, he
doesn't sleep very much at all.  He does have to avoid the sunlight, but
other than that, he seems perfectly normal.  Of course he doesn't eat food
or drink anything other than water.  He doesn't seem to have fangs like in
the movies either.  I went to a butcher shop on Market Street yesterday and
picked up a large container of pig's blood.  Jefferson tasted it and said
it wasn't bad.  He's been drinking it ever since.  I'm thinking if I can
make sure he has that in the refrigerator, he might not kill anyone.

May 7, 1955

Dear Jeff,

I've decided that I'm writing this to you.  I have to put my feelings down
on paper.  I know I'm falling in love with you.  Sometimes you seem so
helpless, so lost in our modern world.  And other times you are so
confident, so strong.  You've saved my life twice now, once when that
mugger tried to attack me outside the cemetery, and once again when Brad
broke into my house.  You risked your life on that occasion, being stabbed
by my attacker.  If it hadn't been for your superhuman condition, you would
have died for me.  I don't think my feelings are returned.  You treat me
with such respect and deference.  I can't tell if you are just being polite
and think of me as a friend, or if your manners are just the result of your
upbringing in the 19th century.  But you will have to make the first move,
Jefferson.  I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable.  Time will
tell how you really feel about me.

May 17, 1955

Just a short note.  I'm all ready for my trip north.  I am going to David's
graduation.  I'm a little nervous.  I haven't said anything about you.  I
can't imagine how he will react.  I can't tell him you are a vampire.  That
would make him totally think I had gone crazy.  I'll tell him you are a
boarder I took in the help make ends meet.  Sometimes I worry so much about
you.  How will you be while I am gone?  Will you manage to survive in this
world?  You are my protector but in some ways I think of myself as your
protector as well.  I'm the keeper of your secret.  Be safe while I am
gone.

June 5, 1955

How could I be such a fool?  I always fall for the wrong guy.  At least
this time you aren't a crazy person who will beat me or steal from me.  But
gay?  I never thought you were gay?  I've known David was that way since he
was in high school.  I always worried for him.  But I thought if he liked
boys instead of girls, who was I to tell him he was wrong.  We'd heard
about it and knew that some people are just different.  But a gay vampire?
Doesn't it figure the man I fall in love with would turn out to be a gay
vampire?  I thought we might have problems because I was human and you
aren't.  I never thought that the biggest problem was that I am a girl and
you would be more interested in my brother.

June 7, 1955

Well, dear Diary, I'm not writing this to Jeff anymore.  I don't think I
would ever let him read it.  I'll just write it to you, my paper friend.
Last night David took us to that bar he used to go to last summer.  He got
in trouble and Jeff had to save him.  But then the police came to our door
today and said some men had been killed.  It sounded just like a vampire
attack.  I can't believe Jeff would do anything like that.  He's been so
good here, and he drinks that pig's blood that I've picked up for him at
the butcher shop.  It must be another vampire.  Surely he isn't the only
one.  But that really scares me.  I still love Jeff but more as a brother.
What if the police come for him and drag him out into the sunlight.  Would
he die like they do in the movies?

June 8, 1955

We haven't heard any more, so maybe the murders at that bar were just an
isolated incident.  I told David and Jeff they were never to go there
again.  They make such a cute couple.  They sleep together and get up late
in the day.  Then David spends most of the day trying to educate Jeff,
bring him into the 20th century.  We've gone to several movies and a couple
of plays in the evening.  Jeff says he really likes the theatre.

June 23, 1955

David will be out of town for a job interview tomorrow.  He is being
considered for a teaching job in north Richmond.  It's only about an hour's
commute.  Since we don't own a car, he took the bus.  He should be back
sometime tomorrow night.  Jeff seems a bit anxious.

June 29, 1955

What can I do?  They killed my brother.  It was that vampire that knew
Jefferson when they were humans back in the 1800s.  I can't believe this.
David, how can you be gone?

If I had never gotten involved with Jeff this never would have happened.  I
hate him.  How can he have brought this on my family?  David was all I have
left!

I can't believe I said that.  I know it is killing Jeff to think that he
brought this on David.  They loved each other.  Now I only have Jeff.  This
strange older vampire who rescued us kind of gives me the creeps.  He's
very old and he seems to have taken an interest in Jeff.  He told me he
will do what he can to catch the ones who did this to David, and they will
be punished.

I can't believe he's gone.  I can't believe I have to arrange his funeral.
I can't believe any of this.  Why didn't I die instead?  My baby brother.
I used to protect him and tell him nothing would ever happen to him.  I
failed him.  It's all my fault.

June 30, 1955

We had the funeral.  I insisted that it be in the evening so Jeff could
come.  Jeff is a part of this family now, no matter what.  We cried so much
with each other.  Some times I just don't want to go on.

July 12, 1955

Dear Jeff, I love you so much.  You are so good to me.  You have done
everything you can to be my brother and to protect me since that awful
time.  We are now living in St. Louis.  The count found us a big house to
live in.  He owns it.  It is different from home, but I can't think of that
as home anymore.  No one is there that I care about.

July 24, 1955

I just can't stay here.  I love Jeff and I know he feels grateful to the
count, but we have got to have our own home.  We can't go on living off the
charity of that ancient vampire.  Tomorrow I am going to go out looking for
a job.

July 29, 1955

I've already been offered a job.  It's teaching in a private school.  I'll
have to take the Missouri test to get my teaching certificate here, but
that shouldn't be a problem.  I can have everything sent from Virginia.  I
told Jeff and he was happy for me.  I suggested that we start looking for
our own home.  He was only concerned that I was jumping at something
awfully quickly.  But I don't want to go back there again.  I called the
count and asked if he could find people to sell my house back in Virginia.
He said he would.  I'll use whatever money he gets to make a down payment
on something here.  Jeff and I can start over again.

August 3, 1955

I found the cutest house.  I took Jeff to look at it this evening.  He
really seemed to like it, but he somehow felt like he would upset the count
if he moved out of the mansion that the old vampire loaned us.  Still I am
excited about starting a new life here in St. Louis.  The count has already
sent me money for my house so I'm paying the down payment tomorrow.  I
can't wait to fix it up and make it ours.  I'll have to remember to get
some heavy drapes or black out curtains for Jeff's room and the living room
and kitchen.

August 10, 1955

I can't believe it.  The count is dead.  Montgomery, his servant came to us
yesterday.  He told us that the bad vampires or that vampire hating cult,
someone blew up his house and then had people pull him out into the sun.  I
guess he just burnt up.  It was really sad.  Both Montgomery and Jeff were
crying.  Then Montgomery told Jeff he was the count's legal heir.
Apparently the old vampire had willed everything he owned to Jefferson.  My
friend is rich now.  How wild is that.  I know he kind of looked on the
count as a father figure and they got really close in the short time we
stayed with him before moving here.  Still, it seems like Jeff is really
taking this hard.

August 11, 1955

Jeff told me last night that he couldn't move in with me.  That really
hurt.  I was so counting on him.  He's the only family I have left.  But
now that he has inherited the mansion, he wants to stay there with
Montgomery.  He feels responsible to the old servant.  He asked me to stay
there with them, but I've already made up my mind.  I want to move.  I want
my own home.  I guess I'll be on my own again.

August 18, 1955

Our first faculty meeting today.  I think I am really going to like this
school.  The people are so nice to me, considering I'm the newcomer.  They
asked about my family and I said I had one younger cousin who lived here in
St. Louis.  I lied and said that was why I moved here.  If anyone asks,
Jefferson Smythe is my cousin.

I saw Jeff this evening.  He seems happy enough.  I can tell he is still
hurting over David.  But then so am I.  He just sits around in that big,
gloomy house and waits on Montgomery hand and foot.  I wish he would go out
and do something with his life.

I miss David so much.  He would know what to do.  He'd have already found
friends with his same interest in men and they'd be out to a party every
night.  He always knew how to make people happy.  Jeff really needs him
now...and so do I.

* * *

Jeff began to flip through the pages of the diary, stopping here and there
to pick out highlights of his friend's life.

* * *

August 22, 1957

The new teacher in the next room is a real jerk.  His name is Brady
Brewster and he moved here from Chicago.  He has family in the area, I
guess.  He really thinks he is something else, quite the lady's man.  Well
his charms aren't going to work on me.  He's so conceited.  I bet they'll
fire him in no time at all.

October 8, 1957

I think I'm falling in love with Brady.  We've only been on three dates,
but he can be so romantic.  Sure he's arrogant, but he is also charming,
sensitive and a really good kisser.  I'm going to have to get him to meet
Jefferson.  Maybe I'll invite them both for dinner on Sunday.

October 13, 1957

Disaster.  That was the worst fiasco I've ever lived through.  Jefferson
came to dinner and he even left Montgomery at home.  But I think Brady
sensed something because he was in fine form.  He made jokes and was witty,
but everything he said seemed to offend Jeff.  The whole evening seemed
like something out of a badly written play.  Brady kept vying for my
attention and Jeff just sat quietly and observed us.  I kept trying to draw
Jeff into the conversation and every time I did, Brady would make some jack
ass remark and Jeff would just withdraw again.

I made pot roast and Jeff came over and apologized for eating before he
came.  That was his excuse to not have to consume anything at the meal.  I
completely understood, but Brady made a big deal of it, saying it was rude
and an insult.  I joked about how Jeff just didn't like my cooking, but
Brady kept going on and on about it.

February 14, 1958

Valentine's Day.  What a day to break up.  Brady said it was either him or
Jeff.  He said he can't stand my snobby rich cousin.  He said if we were
going to have any future together I had to promise not to see Jeff again
and not to invite him over, etc.  Well I couldn't to that.  I know we
aren't as close as we used to be, but he is still my Jefferson, my vampire.
And I still love him.  I told Brady to get lost.  Now my heart is breaking.
I want him so badly.  I just don't know what to do.

February 17, 1958

I was crying again.  Jeff told me not to be so silly.  He said I should go
apologize and get back together with Brady.  He said he would understand
and it was okay if we had to have some distance.  But I can't do that to
Jeff.  I love him like a brother.  I love him as much as I loved David.  To
hell with you Mr. Brady Brewster.

August 23, 1959

I can't believe I'm engaged.  It is such a pretty ring.  And such a big
diamond.  I asked Brady how he bought it on his salary.  He just smiled and
said it was none of my business.  I can't wait to show Jeff.

August 24, 1959

Jeff acted like he already knew.  It's very strange.  He and Brady seem to
be getting along so well, it's kind of creepy.  Still, I'm very glad.  I'd
like them to be friends.  I haven't told Brady about Jeff.  He's only heard
the cover story that Jeff is my cousin and has a severe allergy to the sun.
I'm not sure I'll ever be able to tell Brady the truth.  I hate the thought
of keeping secrets from my husband, but I don't know that he could
understand or appreciate the truth.  He did ask me one day how my cousin
managed to get all the money in my family while I didn't get anything, so I
confessed that Jeff wasn't really a cousin but that we were such good
friends we thought of each other as related and just jokingly called each
other cousin.  It was easier to explain.  Brady made a comment about
'kissing cousins' and I think he was even a bit jealous until I told him
Jeff was gay.  That seemed to comfort him somewhat, although I did detect a
bit of prejudice there.  He's not as tolerant as I'd like, but I have time
to work on him...the rest of my life in fact.

By the way, today was our first day back to school and everyone wanted to
see the ring and congratulate both of us.  It was so thrilling.

November 15, 1959

Thanksgiving is just next week.  Brady wants me to drive upstate to
Hannibal and spend it with his family.  I feel guilty about leaving Jeff,
but I guess he has Montgomery.  They'll be fine.  After all, it's not like
I could invite him over for turkey.  But we usually get together on
holidays.  Well, I guess I will have my own family now, so I better get
used to it.

April 14, 1960

Brady is having a fit.  I told him I wanted Jeff to give me away.  He's the
closest thing to a father or family that I have.  Brady doesn't understand
why I would have a younger 'cousin' who isn't even a relative do that.  He
also doesn't understand why I want the wedding in the evening.  This is a
challenge, but I know we'll get through it.  He let it slip that Jeff
loaned him the money to buy my ring, so I can use that to hold over his
head if he gets too nasty about my cousin being a part of our wedding.

June 18, 1960

Today's my wedding day.  Actually having the ceremony tonight will give me
all day to take my time and not rush around.  I've already had breakfast
and now I have a hair appointment in about an hour.  Then I can take my
time, getting to the church this afternoon and checking on the decorations.
Jeff promised me he would hurry and be there as soon as possible.  I pushed
the wedding back as far as I could.  The minute he walks in the door we'll
start down the aisle.  Brady is still grumbling about an 8:00 p.m. wedding,
but it does give his family all day to get here.  Oh, so much to do...

November 17, 1964

My heart is breaking.  Jeff is going away.  I asked him where, but he
wouldn't say.  I don't think he really knows.  Ever since Montgomery died
last spring he's been at loose ends.  He just doesn't seem to know what to
do with himself in that big old house.  I've suggested that he get out,
meet other men.  I know it's not easy to find gay men and he keeps
reminding me that it's not about dating.  After all, most gay men would
probably be terrified to find out what he is.  Still, if David had lived
they would have a nice life together.

But he's planning on going on a sabbatical as he puts it.  He just wants to
see more of the country.  After all, he pointed out that no one ever
ventured as far as the Rocky Mountains when he was alive.  He said he will
still keep in touch with his 'office' as he puts it, the people who are
managing his money.  I guess they all worked for the count and now they all
kind of work for him.  But they pretty much do their thing and just send
him updates and so on.  Still I'm going to miss him so.

July 14, 1965

We have a darling little girl.  She is 6 lb, 4 oz and has curly dark hair.
I'm so exhausted, but I wanted to write this down while I'm still basking
in the glow and then I'll take a nice long nap.  Brady is so proud, you'd
think he did all the pushing and had the baby himself.  I think we're going
to name her Brigit after Brady's mother.  I just hope she doesn't have his
mother's disposition.  Maybe now that she has a grandchild the old woman
will be a little nicer to me.

November 28, 1967

Talk about the terrible twos.  What a little monster my daughter can be.
Sometimes I can't believe she is part of me.  She screams, she cries and I
think the only word she knows is "No!"  I'm almost glad I can't have
another child.  This one is going to take every bit of energy I have.

April 8, 1975

I can't believe my ten year old daughter got drunk.  She and one of her
friends got into our liquor cabinet and drank everything they could get
their hands on.  When I got home she was sick as a dog.  She finally
confessed she had been sneaking sips of some of the vodka for quite some
time now.  I told Brady we were getting rid of it all.  No more alcohol in
our house to even give her an opportunity.  I also grounded her and told
her I didn't want her hanging around with Jessica.  I think she has been a
bad influence on Brigit.

December 14, 1975

I received a long letter from Jeff.  My heart goes out to him.  He finally
met someone and fell in love.  It sounded so wonderful, but then that same
awful man responsible for David took Jeff's boyfriend as well.  My only
consolation was that Jeff said his father and the other man were both dead
at last.  Jeff said Armand fell from a grid, whatever that is and landed on
some scenery that broke and pierced him like a stake through the heart.
Then another friend of Jeff's managed to kill his father with some sort of
sunlamp.  I guess it put out the same kind of light as the actual sun,
ultra violet light, and the man burnt up.  Thank goodness all of that is
finally behind him and now he can start living his life as he should be
able to, but I'm so sorry to hear about his boyfriend, Frank.  Once again
he is alone.  Maybe someday he'll be able to find someone special just for
him.

March 6, 1979

Suspended!  Brigit was suspended from school today for smoking pot.  I'm so
angry I could spit.  I can't even imagine what Brady will do when he comes
home tonight.  He will absolutely have a fit.  Something has got to change.
I wonder if they have military school for girls.

July 28, 1991

I met Brigit's new boyfriend.  Rel Granger.  It's a really odd name, but
then it fits because he's a really odd boy.  What's wrong with him, well
nothing really.  He's kind and polite, although he has a bit of an accent
that I can't place.  I asked him where he came from and he said "overseas"
but when I tried to pin him down they kept changing the subject.  And that
name, I asked if it was a nickname or short for something else, but he said
no, Rel is his given name.  It's just that he almost seems too good to be
true.  It's like Brigit went out and hired an actor to play her boyfriend
to impress me.  And why would such a nice guy like Rel want someone like my
daughter.  They both must really be in love for her to choose a guy like
him and him to tolerate a girl like her.

October 12, 1991

Now I know why Brigit has been clinging to Rel.  She's pregnant.  I guess I
should be grateful that she waited this long, or that it didn't just happen
long ago.  She's always been wild and never listened to us.  So I guess
getting pregnant at 26 isn't a bad thing.  At least it didn't happen in
high school.  I went over to her apartment and found out Rel has been
living there.  In fact he is the one who told me.  He is hoping I can
convince her to marry him.  He said he has asked her repeatedly and she
just blows him off.  I'm so impressed that he wants to do the right thing
by her.  He said he is concerned for the baby's well being, medically, I
think.  He is afraid there may be complications.  I don't know why he would
think that.

December 26, 1991

At Christmas dinner yesterday afternoon we ended up having a knock down,
drag out fight.  Brigit is definitely showing and we again tried to
convince her to get married. She says that is so old fashioned, but the
three of us argued with her.  It is good to see Brady and Rel on the same
side.  Usually Brady is going on about what a weirdo Rel is and how could
Brigit pick up a nerd like him.  But now they both are trying to push for
the wedding.  The two of them (Rel and Brigit) finally left in tears.  Then
this morning I got a phone call from Brigit asking me to help plan the
wedding.  I guess we'll have a January wedding after all.  She said the
baby is due in March, but she is still pretty small.  She was talking about
a girdle for the wedding dress and I told her absolutely not.  I told her I
would help her find an empire waist dress that would help hide the baby.  I
guess Rel couldn't be happier.

January 18, 1992

Well, they are off on their honeymoon.  It was a real struggle to keep
Brigit from drinking.  She argued with me, her father, her husband and
everyone else that she deserved champagne as it was her wedding.  We all
wanted to keep her from it because of the baby.  I'm surprised she was able
to stay clean and sober this long.  I think Rel has his work cut out for
him.

March 7, 1992

I'm a grandmother.  My baby grandson, Willow Brady Granger was born this
morning at 9:00 a.m.  It was touch and go for a while, and he looked
positively blue when I first saw him, but I think he's doing okay now.
He's so tiny, only 5 lbs, 2 oz.  But his mother isn't that big and his
father is really thin, so I guess maybe he's normal for them.

September 12, 1993

My heart is breaking again.  Brady's heart attack last spring left me alone
and now the one bright spot in my life is leaving me alone again.  Brigit
and Rel are moving to Kansas City.  Rel had a job offer there for his art
work.  He's a fantastic artist, and he really can't pass this up.  He will
be working for a graphics arts firm there, making quite a bit of money.  I
think he also wants to pull Brigit away from her friends here.  All she
ever does is go out drinking with them every night.  I know it is for the
best but my heart is breaking.  I wish I could follow them, but I know I
can't.  It will be good for Brigit to put some distance between us.  We're
just like fire and ice.  But I'll miss my little grandbaby.

November 15, 1996

I can't believe it.  Jeff Smythe is an actor in a movie.  I went to the
theatre to see it.  What a hoot to see my best friend up there on the movie
screen.  And the fun of a vampire playing a vampire.  Of course no one
knows he's really a vampire.  They think he's just a movie actor.  I got a
letter not too long ago, telling me about it, but to actually see it at the
local theater.  How thrilling.  I can tell all my friends I know a real
live movie star.  In a way, it's good that Brady is gone.  He would wonder
how Jeff looks the same as he did when we knew him all those years ago.

December 28, 1997

I've had the best Christmas ever.  Jeff came back for a visit.  He looks
just the same, just like he did in his movie, just like he did forty years
ago when I first met him.  And he is the same, the same loving guy I
remember.  Nosy old Violet Peterson had to come around and Jeff was his
usual polite and gracious self.  On Christmas he gave me the most beautiful
pendant.  It must have cost him a fortune.  It has a huge diamond
surrounded by other precious stones.  I didn't have anything for him, so I
went upstairs and looked in my jewelry box and found David's ring.  He
seemed so moved by such a little thing.  We cried and cried together.  But
now he's on his way again.  I don't know where he'll go from here.  I miss
him and hope the good Lord keeps him safe.

March 17, 1998

A lot of information.  I am overwhelmed.  Rel came by for a visit.  He was
in town for a convention and asked if he could spend the night here.  I
told him of course.  It was so good to see him and have the company.  After
he got back from his meetings we sat up and talked for a long time.  Rel
told me things that I find hard to believe, but considering the things I
have been through in my past, I don't doubt anything now.  He said he is a
fairy.  I thought he meant he was gay, but he said no, he came from a
different world, one filled with magic.  He said that was why he was so
worried that the baby might not be healthy when he was first born.  He was
worried about a half human, half fairy baby.  I really thought he was
joking, but he took a needle from my sewing basket and pricked his finger.
His blood wasn't red.  It was bright blue.  It almost looked like he was
bleeding blue paint or ink or something.  Then he pulled back his long hair
and showed me his ears.  They are pointed like that space character in the
movies.  If it weren't for Jefferson, I probably wouldn't believe it, but
my best friend was a vampire, so how can I say fairies don't exist.  I
asked him if he had wings under his shirt but he laughed at me and said
fairies don't have wings, nor can they fly.  He said he was worried about
Willow because his son is half fairy and he doesn't know what that will
mean.  I asked him if he had any ideas and he said it probably would mean
Willow will be very long lived and his blood chemistry may be different
from others so he probably can't ever have any transfusions.  That explains
why the doctor was so confused and said there was something wrong with the
lab reports when he was first born.

How many people run into two magical beings in their lives, first Jefferson
and now Rel.  Then Rel asked me that if anything every happened to him,
would I please watch over Willow.  He said he didn't think Brigit was
really capable of being a mother.  I could tell he was nervous about saying
bad things about my daughter to me, but I agreed with him.  I understand
completely.  He said they argue all the time and when he comes home he
often finds her drunk and passed out on the sofa.  He has to do all the
work of taking care of Willow and the house and so on.  My heart goes out
to him.  I feel like I was a bad mother, but it's too late now.  I told him
if he or Willow ever needed anything they should call me.  He promised that
he would.  After his meetings today he left to return home.  He promised he
would keep me posted on everything that was going on.  Why couldn't I have
a son like Rel instead of a daughter like Brigit?  I am a bad mother for
feeling that way.

October 23, 2002

I heard from Brigit today.  I haven't heard from anyone back there in KC in
a long time and I was starting to grow worried.  Apparently rightly so.
She called and said Rel had disappeared.  She said he's not come back.  I
can't believe he wouldn't have contacted me or something.  He promised he
would call me if he ever needed anything and I can't believe he would leave
his son without contacting me.  I asked if I could speak with Willow and
she grudgingly agreed.  He sounds so sad.  I told him to keep his chin up
and that I was sure his daddy loves him.  I told him he could come and
visit me on his next holiday, maybe over Christmas or next summer.  That
seemed to cheer him up a bit.  With Rel being what he is, I wonder if he
somehow went back or was taken back to that other world.  That is the only
thing I can think of that would keep him from his son.

February 11, 2005

Willow called me today to tell me that his mom was getting married again.
She got some sort of divorce and now she is marrying some drunk.  Willow
really hates the guy, but what can he do, he's only 12.  My heart goes out
to the boy.  I wish I could go there and get him, but I'm not as young as I
was.  The years are catching up to me.  Willow and I are so close, I would
do anything for that boy.  I love our summers together, although feeding
him is a chore.  He can't eat meat.  Apparently his father didn't either.
I guess it has something to do with being a fairy.  I haven't told Willow
what his father told me, but maybe I will one day.  I don't know that he
would believe me.

August 2, 2005

I'm supposed to put Willow back on the bus tomorrow.  I hate to see him
leave, and I know he doesn't want to.  He asked if he could just live with
me and go to school here in St. Louis.  I so wanted to say yes, but Brigit
resents sending him here in the summers.  You'd think she would want to get
rid of him.  She seems to be so annoyed when he's around.  But I guess it's
a control thing.  If Rel were still here, I imagine it would be different.
I sometimes think of Willow as Cinderella and I so wish I could be his
fairy godmother.  But unfortunately the fairy blood isn't in me, it's in
him.  He cut himself last month doing something in the kitchen.  I had to
bandage his finger.  The blood wasn't blue like Rel's, but it wasn't quite
red like a normal person's either.  It was kind of an almost purple red
color.  It didn't look exactly like mine.  I so worry about him.  He said
that the man she married had hit her several times.  I told him to let me
know if the man lays a hand on him.  I'll call whatever social service I
can to get custody from them.

April 15, 2006

I'm too old for funerals.  And I'm too old for bus rides.  Even though I
haven't gotten along with her in years, she was still my daughter.  Brigit
was killed in a car crash last week.  She was driving drunk again, this
time without a license or insurance.  Thank God she only took her own life
and no one else.  Her husband made all the arrangements and then called to
let me know, wasn't that nice of him.

I remember when she was just a tiny baby in my arms.  A parent isn't
supposed to outlive their children.  I took the bus there and stayed at a
motel.  I wanted to be there for Willow.  He was very sad, but not as bad
as I expected him until it was time for me to go.  He pleaded with me to
stay and begged me to take him with me.  I spoke to Bill about it, but he
said no.  He said he is the parent and Willow will stay there.  I think he
wanted to say that more to hurt me and Willow than for any love or devotion
he might have for his stepson.  When I get home I'm contacting a lawyer to
see what can be done.

January 9, 2007

He's mine now and I'll kill anyone who tries to take him away.  We have a
court date tomorrow to assign temporary custody.  Willow's step father hit
him and threw him out on the street.  When he got here I immediately called
my lawyer.  My God the boy looks awful.  He hitchhiked all the way in just
a light jacket.  His eye is blackened by that drunk.  All I can say is, I'm
glad he lives in a different town because I'd be over there with a gun.

I asked Willow what happened and he didn't want to talk about it.  But
later he broke down and cried and told me he thought he was gay.  His step
father caught him looking at a magazine that some other boy had given him.
It apparently had nude men in it.  His step father called him names, hit
him and threw him out.  I always hated that man.  I told Willow it was
okay.  I said my brother, his great uncle David was gay and that I had a
very special friend who was also gay.  It was perfectly natural and he
should be okay with it.

January 10, 2007

The judge was very nice and in view of the physical evidence of abuse, and
the boy's desire to live his me, his maternal grandmother, the judge
awarded me temporary custody.  I don't think Bill will fight it.  If he
does I'm going to make his life a living hell if it costs me every penny I
have.

July 16, 2007

I caught Willow reading this book.  I was pretty upset, and I think I
scared him because he's never really seen me upset before.  After I calmed
down he asked me if it was all just a story about Jefferson.  I told him it
was all true and made him swear to keep the secret.  He said he would.  But
I don't really think he believes it.  He thinks it's just a silly story I
made up and he's just going along with me to humor a silly old lady.

March 7, 2010

Willow is 18 today.  I can't believe it.  My baby grandson is all grown up.
He'll graduate this spring.  I hope I live long enough to see it.  I know
he worries about me.  I have congestive heart failure.  The doctor says I
could live another 10 to 20 years, but I have my doubts.  I just hope
Willow will find his way in this world after I'm gone.  I think he will.
He's a strong, resourceful boy, even if he isn't 100 % human.  But that's
my little secret.

May 14, 2010

My boy graduated at 3:00 this afternoon.  I am so embarrassed that I had to
attend in a wheelchair.  I just can't walk anymore.  I get too tired.  I'm
so proud of him.  I talked to the doctor yesterday and he said I could go
to the graduation, but he was honest with me.  He said he didn't think I
had a lot longer.  Willow is out at his graduation party tonight.  Tomorrow
I'm going to have a long talk with him and have him promise me he will send
this diary to Jefferson after I pass on.  Jeff, if you are reading this, I
want you to keep an eye on Willow for me.  I'll look down on both of you
from heaven, but you've got to look after him on this world.  He's half
fairy and I don't really know what that means, but I sure don't want
anything to happen to him, or to you.  And you know what it's like to grow
up rejected for being gay.  It's a different world now in the 21st century
than it was when you were young, but people can still be just as mean, just
as cruel and evil.  Please take care of yourself.  I love you so much, and
always have from that first time I saw you by Mount Hope cemetery with the
blood all over the front of your shirt.  The things a body remembers!

 

 

 

 

 

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